July 14th, 2017
echan: Kaworu Nagisa from Evangelion (Default)
posted by [personal profile] echan at 05:12pm on 14/07/2017
I didn't actually will myself sick to get out of a work 'team bonding' event. But I can't deny the super convenient timing.

I finished up a big work project I've been working on for months. I was somewhat concerned I wouldn't be able to find something else big and lengthy to work on next... and then I stumbled on a trash fire made up of a few different individual fires that will take a lot of effort to put out. Which is great! But also a bit demoralizing, in the sense of "holy shit is everything terrible, am I going to be cleaning up decade-old bad code forever?".

I really need to apply for other jobs. For the experience of applying, remember / figure out how the hell to do interviews, hopefully get an offer I can use to blackmail my current company to give me a better raise. (I was basically told, flat out, that the only way to get a more-than-meh raise was if they had to 'fight' to keep me. So.) But the whole concept is terrifying. I get stuck on details like, what route would I take to drive there? I haven't even applied yet, and I'm already worried about the commute. I worry about everything, the whole chain of events, up front. Which makes me good with money, I guess, but in most other ways it makes things too impossible to begin, with all the risks and potential for failure.

I have fallen off of Twitter. I've conceded that I'll likely never be sufficiently blasé with my thoughts to casually tweet them out with any regularity. I recently got an instagram acct, for reasons I'm disinclined to examine closely. So far I've kept at it longer than I feared I would, so that's nice. I'm sticking to a deliberately slow pace, for now.

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